At my job we have to monitor a lot of servers. That's too much like work for us lazy Americans though, so we wrote an intelligent agent to do all the hard stuff for us. In this presentation, I'll take you deep inside the Scout server monitoring agent and show the techniques we used to build a daemon that runs constantly, executes arbitrary Ruby code we didn't write, and yet remains robust without crashing, leaking memory, or filling up your hard drive with data. I'll show how to accomplish these goals with just some careful design and our friend Ruby. Then you too can get paid for slacking off, just like me!